Daily Writing Tips---10 Tips to Balance Parallel...

10 Tips to Balance Parallel Sentence Structure

by Mark Nichol

In crafting sentences that compare one thing to another or represent one thought in contrast to another, writers often omit key words or phrases because they misunderstand how one phrase is balanced against another. In constructing sentences with parallel structure, think of the two parallel elements as figures on a seesaw, and the connecting word or phrase as the fulcrum, then check whether the elements on either side of the fulcrum are equally balanced:

1. “We often pay more attention to them than our own children.”
This ambiguous sentence means either that we pay more attention to something than we do to our children, or that we pay more attention to something than our children do. This slight revision reflects that the writer meant the former choice. (“We pay more attention to them” is balanced against “[we pay attention)] to our own children.”): “We often pay more attention to them than [we pay] to our own children.”

2. “His version is created not with brush and ink, but countless Lego blocks.”
The parallel phrases in this sentence, balanced by the fulcrum but, are not “with brush and ink” and “countless Lego blocks,” but “brush and ink” and “countless Lego blocks,” so repeat with: “His version is created not with brush and ink, but with countless Lego blocks.”

3. “The story here is not one of privacy infringement so much as the way real estate is changing because of technology.”
The fulcrum in this sentence is “so much as,” and the phrase “is not one of privacy infringement” must be balanced against one that starts with the same verb: “The story here is not one of privacy infringement so much as it is the way real estate is changing because of technology.”

4. “The rainwater boon isn’t so much about taste as reliability in a region where hundreds of wells dried up in the last drought.”
This sentence has the same fulcrum as the previous example does, but notice how the sentence reads more smoothly and has more impact because of the inversion of the constituent phrases: “In a region where hundreds of wells dried up in the last drought, the rainwater boon isn’t so much about taste as it is about reliability.”

5. “They protect consumers from purchasing products that are not effective or even dangerous.”
Without the repetition of the phrase “that are,” this sentence crashes to a halt with the false parallel terms effective or dangerous. Omit the first word and the fulcrum from the equation, and the resulting sentence, “They protect consumers from purchasing products that are not even dangerous,” does not retain the meaning. The point about dangerous products needs a complete phrase: “They protect consumers from purchasing products that are not effective or that are even dangerous.”

6. “They believe in cultural and racial diversity, but not diversity of opinions.”
Take away the first phrase, and you’re left with an omission in “They (don’t) believe diversity of opinions,” so the preposition in must accompany both phrases: “They believe in cultural and racial diversity, but not in diversity of opinions.”

7. “Thanks for your generous assistance and support of these books.”
If “and support” is omitted, the phrase “assistance of these books” stands out as faulty, so repair the error with one of these two options: “Thanks for your generous assistance with and support of these books,” or “Thanks for your generous assistance and for your support of these books.” Better yet, perhaps, is “Thanks for your generous assistance in supporting these books.”

8. “Beagles rely on their acute sense of smell to chase their quarry and alert hunters with their high-pitched barks.”
Beagles rely on smell to chase their quarry and alert the hunters? No. Their smelling and their barking are two parallel attributes. This sentence requires two independent clauses with parallel subjects: “Beagles rely on their acute sense of smell to chase their quarry, and they alert hunters with their high-pitched barks.” (A fulcrum assisted by a “not only . . . but also” phrase might seem useful at first glance, but that revision alters the writer’s intent.)

9. “Those who clashed with the color scheme were getting fired or relegated to the stockroom.”
Without a balance to either side of or, the sentence implies that people were getting fired to the stockroom or relegated to the stockroom. Repeating the verb clarifies that only the second option involved the stockroom: “Those who clashed with the color scheme were getting fired or were relegated to the stockroom.”

10. “Families have been leaving the city not so much because of the form housing takes but its price tag.”
The parallel phrases here are (or should be) “because of the form housing takes” and “because of its price tag.” Without the following fix to the second phrase, the reader trips into a prose pothole: “Families have been leaving the city not so much because of the form housing takes but because of its price tag.”

Daily Writing Tips---10 Words That Don't Mean...50+ Words That Describe Animals...‏

50+ Words That Describe Animals (Including Humans)

by Mark Nichol

As much as many humans have tried to deny, or have conveniently ignored, that Homo sapiens is just another species of fauna, writers readily use animals or their (sometimes supposed) characteristics to describe people. Words like catty, dogged, foxy, and slothful all attest to the vivid imagery that easily arises when we compare people to various other species.

In addition, we speak and write of somebody eating like a bird (to refer to light gustatory habits, though many birds seem downright voracious if you watch them dining), drinking like a fish, or behaving like a bull in a china shop. Some idioms, however, contradict each other, such as “Work like a dog” and “(living) a dog’s life.”

Simple adjectives such as those in the first paragraph are more useful for narrative descriptions of people than the idiomatic phrases just above, but Latinate terms for animals can be even more helpful in describing people.

Among the examples below, some, such as those for references to dogs (“canine loyalty”) and cats (“feline grace”), are perhaps too ubiquitous to be effective. Asinine, on the other hand, is more recognizable as a term to describe a human characteristic than in its original usage (in this case, to refer to a donkey), which might spoil it for literary allusion. Yet others, such as anguine, a word for a snake, may be too obscure to be helpful (though its synonyms serpentine and viperine are rich in descriptive force).

And how about using taurine to describe a glowering bruiser, or lupine for a predatory lothario, orvulpine for a cunning schemer? You might even go out on an evolutionary limb and use pavonine to refer to a male fashion plate. (Your readers can always look it up.)

Alternatively, give your humorous novel a Dickensian flair with a rapacious Mr. Selachian, a harridan named Mrs. Soricine, or a prickly or sharp-tongued person dubbed Miss Hystricine or Master Vespa. If nothing else, simply employ the terms below as inspirations for drawing, in words, your fictional characters or nonfictional subjects:

1. acciptrine (falcon, hawk)
2. anatine, anserine (goose)
3. anguine, colubrine, elapine, serpentine, viperine (snake)
4. apic, apian, apiarian (bee)
5. aquiline (eagle)
6. arachnine, arachnoid (spider)
7. asinine (donkey)
8. batrachian, ranine (frog, toad)
9. bovine (cow, bison)
10. cancrine (crab)
11. canine (dog)
12. caprine (goat)
13. cervine (deer, elk, moose)
14. cetacean, cetaceous (whale)
15. corvine (crow)
16. cygnine (swan)
17. delphine (dolphin, porpoise)
18. dipterous (fly)
19. elephantine, proboscine, proboscidean (elephant)
20. equine (horse)
21. eusuchian (alligator)
22. feline (cat)
23. formic, myrmecine (ant)
24. galline (chicken)
25. gastropodian (snail)
26. helminthic, vermian (worm)
27. larine (gull)
28. leporine, leverine (hare, rabbit)
29. lupine (wolf)
30. murine (mouse, rat)
31. musteline (badger, ferret, weasel)
32. noctillionine, pteropine (bat)
33. ostracine (oyster)
34. otarine, phocine (seal)
35. ovine (sheep)
36. passerine (bird)
37. pavonine (peacock)
38. pieridine, pierine (butterfly)
39. piscine (fish)
40. porcine (pig)
41. sciurine (squirrel)
42. scyphozoan (jellyfish)
43. simian (ape, monkey)
44. soricine (shrew)
45. taurine (bull)
46. testudine (tortoise)
47. ursine (bear)
48. vespine (wasp, hornet)
49. vituline (calf)
50. vulpine (fox)

Daily Writing Tips---How to Indicate Unspoken and Indirect Discourse

How to Indicate Unspoken and Indirect Discourse

by Mark Nichol

What type of markers or emphasis should a writer give to signal that a character’s thoughts are unspoken? Though some people disagree, the consensus is that they should be enclosed in quotation marks as if they were said aloud:

1. “She surveyed the shambles of her room and thought, ‘Where do I start?’”

This mode of what is known as unspoken discourse assumes that internally vocalized thoughts are a form of direct speech. “Unspoken discourse” is not to be confused with “indirect discourse,” which describes indirect speech, or paraphrase:

2. “She surveyed the shambles of her room and wondered, where should she start?”

In this case, the person would not think, “Where should she start?” in those words, so the final phrase of the sentence is a paraphrase, not a quote, and should not be enclosed in quotation marks.

Indirect discourse has another, similar form:

3. “She surveyed the shambles of her room and wondered where she should start.”

Notice that in this example, a different type of paraphrase, a comma does not precede the thought, and no question mark punctuates this sentence, because it’s not a question.

As I mentioned above, some writers prefer to omit quotation marks in unspoken discourse:

4. “She surveyed the shambles of her room and thought, Where do I start?”

This style is also correct, but it requires greater attention from the reader, and it seems more trouble than it’s worth to distinguish between spoken thoughts and unspoken ones, especially in fiction.

Employing italics is an alternative strategy for unspoken discourse, but this method is best used in internal dialogue, when a person is conversing with their alter ego, or with a disembodied entity such as a spirit, or perhaps a guiding force from within:

“The voice seemed to resonate inside her: Go forth, and fear not.”

10 Comma Cases in Which More Is More - DailyWritingTips

10 Comma Cases in Which More Is More by Mark Nichol

The movement toward open punctuation — the omission of commas in cases in which they are deemed optional — has its merits, but writers and editors should take care to retain commas — or even insert additional ones — to clarify meaning: 1. “He points to the benefits and wonders how schools can justify not investing in tools for disabled students.” Because wonders can be a noun as well as a verb, and because a pairing of the noun form with benefits initially makes sense, it might be misread here as such. To avoid this misunderstanding, insert a comma after benefits to give the reader pause and signal a new thought: “He points to the benefits, and wonders how schools can justify not investing in tools for disabled students.” Alternatively, alter the introductory phrase and make the following phrase an independent clause: “Pointing to the benefits, he wonders how schools can justify not investing in tools for disabled students.” 2. “The dog should be content to bark at passing trains and slumber.” The sentence incorrectly implies that the dog barks at two things: passing trains and slumber. But barkat refers only to trains, not to slumber. How about reordering the sentence to place slumber first? (“The dog should be content to slumber and bark at passing trains.”) Now he’s slumbering at passing trains, then barking at them. Either introduce a comma or insert a parallel-signaling to, or both: “The dog should be content to bark at passing trains, and to slumber.” 3. “Couch or calisthenics? A majority of California students are opting for a couch based on the results of the state’s annual physical fitness test.” As the second sentence is structured, the couch appears to be based on the fitness test results. Insert a comma after couch to clarify the structure (and in the initial sentence, follow couch with a comma there, too, for the same reason): “Couch, or calisthenics? A majority of California students are opting for a couch, based on the results of the state’s annual physical fitness test.” Better yet, invert the syntax in the second sentence: “Couch, or calisthenics? Based on the results of the state’s annual physical fitness test, a majority of California students are opting for a couch.” 4. “The world contains too many bored fourteen-year-old boys and ex-boyfriends bearing grudges.” This reference to a particular woman’s two greatest classes of nemeses is taken out of context, but it still should be clear that only those in the latter category bear grudges. Therefore, a comma should separate the two categories: “The world contains too many bored fourteen-year-old boys, and ex-boyfriends bearing grudges.” Or, if the context allows, reverse the order and strengthen the parallel structure: “The world contains too many ex-boyfriends bearing grudges, and too many bored fourteen-year-old boys.” 5. “Halle Berry is the first African American woman to win a Best Actress Oscar for her performance in Monster’s Ball.” As punctuated, this sentence implies that more than one African American actress was in contention for an Academy Award for Berry’s performance. To set the record straight, set the qualification off with a comma: “Halle Berry is the first African American woman to win a Best Actress Oscar, for her performance in Monster’s Ball.” Here’s a smoother revision: “Halle Berry, who won a Best Actress Oscar for her performance in Monster’s Ball, is the first African-American woman to take home the award.” 6. “The prison plays an important role during the film’s third act, in which our hero is arrested thanks to the villain’s devious machinations.” The tag phrase “thanks to the villain’s devious machinations” should be set off from the rest of the sentence with a comma. Better yet, insert that parenthetical phrase into the middle of the sentence so that the result of the plotting dramatically punctuates the sentence: “The prison plays an important role, during which, thanks to the villain’s devious machinations, our hero is arrested.” 7. “Americans divide Russians into authoritarians and democrats with no regard for native context.” The sentence mistakenly implies that the two categories in question are “authoritarians” and “democrats with no regard for native context. The writer meant, “With no regard for native context, Americans divide Russians into authoritarians and democrats.” (Or start that sentence withAmericans, followed by a comma.) Those revisions are more elegant than the simplest solution, employed above in other examples: “Americans divide Russians into authoritarians and democrats, with no regard for native context.” 8. “Another astronomer named Edwin Hubble cast his eye on the pulsing light of distant variable stars called Cepheids.” The initial phrase of this sentence implies the previous mention of another astronomer by that name. Solve this error by setting the name apart as an appositive, with framing commas (and delete the extraneous named): “Another astronomer, Edwin Hubble, cast his eye on the pulsing light of distant variable stars called Cepheids.” 9. “High school students who carry a poor or no understanding of evolution into college are less likely to pick careers in the biological and geological sciences.” “Or no” is a parenthetical phrase in which no parallels poor as an option, and it could be omitted with no structural damage to the sentence, so it should be enclosed by a pair of commas: “High school students who carry a poor, or no, understanding of evolution into college are less likely to pick careers in the biological and geological sciences.” Alternatively, the sentence could be relaxed and given more impact with a revision such as “High school students who carry into college a poor understanding — or, worse, no understanding at all — of evolution are less likely to pick careers in the biological and geological sciences.” (Note the relocation of the flexible modifying phrase “into college” to smooth out the syntax.) 10. “Hindu believers are governed by the three doctrines of dharma or universal law, karma or the cumulative effects of personal actions, and samsara or the cycle of rebirth.” Always set terms off from their glosses, or brief definitions (See? I just glossed gloss), by a set of parenthetical commas; both in this explanation and in the sample sentence, the sentence structure requires a semicolon in place of the closing comma: “Hindu believers are governed by the three doctrines of dharma, or universal law; karma, or the cumulative effects of personal actions; and samsara, or the cycle of rebirth.” (A simple gloss would look like this: “Dharma, or universal law, is integral to both Hinduism and Buddhism.”)

Letter Writing---Beginnings & Closings

“Yours faithfully” or “Yours sincerely”?

by Maeve Maddox

In 1928 H. W. Fowler listed these phrases and their uses:

Yours faithfully (to unknown person on business)
Yours truly (to slight acquaintance)
Yours very truly (ceremonious but cordial)
Yours sincerely (in invitations and friendly but not intimate letters)

With slight variations between British and American usage, these forms are still in use.

If you don’t know the name of the recipient…

Yours faithfully is British usage. It is used when the recipient is not addressed by name, as in a letter with a “Dear Sir” salutation. I have never seen it in correspondence between Americans. That’s not to say it won’t catch on. I’ve come across letter-writing guides on the web that imply that it is standard American usage.

Yours truly is the American equivalent of “yours faithfully” that I was taught by my American business teachers. When I begin a letter “Dear Sir,” I close it with “Yours truly.”

When you do know the name of the recipient…

Yours sincerely is also British. Americans tend to reverse the order and writeSincerely yours.

When I worked in England, I was told that to write Sincerely without theYours was very bad form. Now, of course, Sincerely is a common and acceptable close for American business letters.

Which words to capitalize…

Only the first word is capitalized:

Yours faithfully,
Yours sincerely,
Sincerely yours,

English Grammar 101: Verb Mood

The Verb Mood

by Maeve Maddox

English verbs have four moods: indicative, imperative, subjunctive, and infinitive.

Mood is the form of the verb that shows the mode or manner in which a thought is expressed.

1. Indicative Mood: expresses an assertion, denial, or question:

Little Rock is the capital of Arkansas.
Ostriches cannot fly.
Have you finished your homework?

2. Imperative Mood: expresses command, prohibition, entreaty, or advice:

Don’t smoke in this building.
Be careful!
Don’t drown that puppy!

3. Subjunctive Mood: expresses doubt or something contrary to fact.

Modern English speakers use indicative mood most of the time, resorting to a kind of “mixed subjunctive” that makes use of helping verbs:

If I should see him, I will tell him.

Americans are more likely to say:

If I see him, I will tell him.

The verb may can be used to express a wish:

May you have many more birthdays.
May you live long and prosper.

The verb were can also indicate the use of the subjunctive:

If I were you, I wouldn’t keep driving on those tires.
If he were governor, we’d be in better fiscal shape.

4. Infinitive Mood: expresses an action or state without reference to any subject. It can be the source of sentence fragments when the writer mistakenly thinks the infinitive form is a fully-functioning verb.

When we speak of the English infinitive, we usually mean the basic form of the verb with “to” in front of it: to go, to sing, to walk, to speak.

Verbs said to be in the infinitive mood can include participle forms ending in -ed and -ing. Verbs in the infinitive mood are not being used as verbs, but as other parts of speech:

To err is human; to forgive, divine. Here, to err and to forgive are used as nouns.

He is a man to be admired. Here, to be admired is an adjective, the equivalent of admirable. It describes the noun man.

He came to see you. Here, to see you is used as an adverb to tell why he came.

Daily Writing Tips---Getting into the Subjunctive Mood

How to Get into a Subjunctive Mood by Mark Nichol The subjunctive mood is a verb form that expresses any one of a variety of sentiments that are in some sense not necessary true: a potential action or a possibility, a judgment or an opinion, or an emotion or a wish. Here are some examples of statements in the subjunctive mood: “If that were the case, I wouldn’t be here.” “It’s about time we went home.” “If I had been there, I would have done something.” “It is necessary for you to have followed the news to understand the joke.” “If I should fail, what will happen?” Here are statements that appear superficially similar but are presented in the indicative mood, which is employed for factual statements and positive beliefs: “If that is the case, I’m leaving.” “I want to go home now.” “Now that I’m here, I’m going to do something about it.” “Are you following the news?” “If you’re going to fail, at least do it with class.” Most of the forms in the first list and those expressing other variants of the subjunctive mood give us little or no trouble, but the form demonstrated in the first example in the first list often throws writers for a loop: For example, do you write “I wish I was rich,” or “I wish I were rich”? Frequently, people erroneously use the indicative mood when they should use the subjunctive. For example, “He asked me if I was in charge” uses the indicative mood, so it seems natural to use the same form of the verb “to be” (was) for a similar but conditional sentence: “If I was in charge, I would do things differently.” But is that right? To test the form you’ve used to see whether it is correct, reorder the syntax so the verb comes first: Does “Was I in charge, I would do things differently” make sense, or is “Were I in charge, I would do things differently” logical? The latter sentence is obviously the correct one, so the proper sentence starting with “If I” is “If I were in charge, I would do things differently.”